Over the past weekend I partook in the great American pastime of camping. Don’t ask me why people in this country leave their friendly confines that they work so hard for, to go out and sleep on rocks and not shower for 4 straight days. The concept is strange I know, and yet we all find ourselves at least once a year packing the tent and kids then heading off for the great outdoors.
Over the handful of days I spent communing with nature I had several thoughts, ideas, and questions run through the vast wilderness that is my mind. I figured I would share them with you for your approval and to hopefully answer some of the questions I can’t quite get my head around.
Why is it that farting around a campfire is at least 6 times funnier than any other place on earth? Also if it happens after 11:30 PM it goes from being damn funny to the single greatest thing you have ever witnessed. People can be heard laughing from 3 campsites over. I’m not sure why this is but I know it to be true.
At least 50 percent of your camping party will go down with an injury before the trip is over. On my latest trip, we had 3 skinned knees, a sprained ankle, face road rash, 3 cuts, 1 black eye and a 2nd degree burn. And yet the trip was still considered a smashing success. I don’t know if there is another activity that going in you know somebody is going to get maimed and yet everyone is still excited to go. Maybe Bullridng?
It is possible to gain 20lbs in 3 days of camping. I don’t think I can really consider my trip roughing it when I averaged 3 pop tarts an hour. And speaking of pop tarts, the best part of my trip was that I slept in a hammock while my family was in the tent so when I woke up I ate like 9 pop tarts and 6 bowls of Honneysmacks before they woke up. Then my wife would cook me breakfast assuming I must be hungry, where I would then eat my weight in hashbrowns and bacon. Now you see why I love camping. It’s like a bear fatting himself up before a long winter hibernation. (On a sidebar,
You never realize how many great cereals that your missing out on until you go camping and buy that little variety pack. I haven’t had those cereals in years and now I’m wondering why? Honneysmacks, Apple Jacks, Cookie Crisp, Golden Grams, each morning was like reliving my childhood one individual packet at a time. They should make a ride as Disneyland about this, it was that good. )
Much like no golf outing is complete without a good Caddyshack reference, no camping trip is complete untill somebody drops a line from the Great Outdoors. "Suck my Wake" is my personal fav. This got me thinkning about other movies that define a entire activity. I smell a club 1080 topic here. Any suggestions?
I do not understand why people water-ski. Please somebody tell me what is remotely fun about being dragged behind a boat at 40 mph while your groin is ripped in half and the water uses your man junk like a speed bag. Anybody?
There is nothing grosser on this earth than walking in muddy seaweed. You know and I know it’s just seaweed but in your head your pretty sure you are walking on a pile of human remains just waiting to be sucked down to the 4 foot abyss that is your watery grave.
I can’t wait for next year.
