Judging A Book By Its Cover
I was sitting in my daily show meeting, pretending to listen to boss Dennis Glasgow, but in reality was thinking about what to do for lunch: Chinese or sandwich? I went Chinese by the way and it was fantastic. When something caught my eye, the new Fan intern went walking by the office. Now, I know nothing about this young man, as I never do with interns. For some reason they never talk to me, ever. There is an unspoken barrier that they all erect between themselves and me. I have never understood this but am way too lazy to ever try and break down these walls. But there was something about this intern, this nameless go-getter that immediately gave me that good old-fashioned feeling that he was a total putz. The moment I saw him the red flag went up. The hat he was wearing said it all, not only was it a red Yankee hat, but the brim was completely flat, the coffee table look if you will. Double whammy in my book and a sure fire sign that we are not going to get along. So I decided to put together the following list of red flags to watch out for when making that ever important first impression. Now granted these are simply guidelines, not steadfast rules, but more often than not these are dead on.
Ten red flags to watch for when judging a book by its cover
10. The flat hat bill. There’s just no excuse for this look. Especially when combined with the following: tags still attached and or the non-team color hat aka red or green Yankee hat. This is almost a 100 percent success rate in predicting a rube.
9. Confederate flag. If you meet somewhere wearing one of these and they are not directly related to General Lee, you know your dealing with a wanna be of galactic proportions.
8. Hair color that exists in the rainbow. Red, Blue, Green etc. You show me that and I’ll show you a person who got beat up a lot in high school and is trying way too hard to prove that they enjoy being different when all they really want is the cool people to invite them to the big party at Buffy’s house.
7. Black Make up. Former New Kids on the Block fan+ 10 years + crappy job= black make up.
6. Cursing. If the first 3 sentences someone says to you contain 9 swear words, that person is an idiot.
5. Laughing. If upon meeting someone they start laughing before you’ve said anything remotely funny, you should start to hate them.
4. Novelty shirts and hats. Anything with the words Farts, Boobs, Penis etc on it lets you know the type of person your dealing with.
3. Superfan. This person is wearing more than two pieces of fan gear at one time. Such as the Oregon Duck hat, shirt and jacket combo. This person is dangerous and you should run the other way before they go off.
2. Sunglasses indoors. Two words, Pompous Ass
1.Game ready guy. This evil fiend is ready just in case a pick up game of basketball breaks out. Hightops are laced up, wristbands on and a knee brace just waiting out in the car. At any moment, this guy might box you out for the big rebound or kill you with an hour long JV High School story. In fact you're better off being safe and just shooting this person for your sake and everyone around you.
I hope this helps all of you out when making snap judgments on whether to like someone upon seeing them in a hallway. I know they make my life a lot easier. Good luck and God Speed.
