I was sitting in the stands of La Center Elementary last Saturday taking in the sights and sounds of a 5th grade girls basketball game and all the excitement that goes along with it. The double dribbles, shooting at the wrong basket (happened 3 times by the way), and the vicious battle that left the teams tied at four a piece after 2 quarters of play. Lakers V Celtics circa 1987 it was not. But I show up every Saturday and cheer on my little girl. Sure, she hasn’t scored all year and has more fouls the rebounds. And tends to put her hand behind her back while on defense, and stops to ties her shoes at least 4 times per game, and basically just wanders around the floors occasionally kicking the ball out of bounds. I think you get where I’m going with this one. But she loves to play and that’s all that matters to me. That and it’s always fun after the game to hear her complain about the refs or dirty play that kept her from a triple double.
This Saturday was no different than the rest. The game was over and my daughters team the Sting and lost a heartbreaker to the Dynamite like 18 to 12. At least when you play the Dynamite you get to enjoy Phil Jackson on the sidelines. They have what we call in youth sports the super coach. You can always spot super coach. Warm up pants with coach shirt tucked in. Clip board in hand, whistle at the ready just in case there’s a scout in the stands ready to call him up to the big time. He even has his own cronie with molester stache to help him yell out his gameplan and to suck all the fun out for his girls. Super coach is great people watching. He never stops yelling, I mean coaching, or working the ref. At one point he called time out to argue a 3 second in the key call. Yes he’s a giant tool, but he’s also harmless and makes for a good time while mocking him from the stands. Some may have a problem with coaches like this but at least he cares. Which is better than some.
The real problem was lurking elsewhere in that gym. In the form of fat angry dad. After the game I was walking with my daughter and her well deserved juice pack when fat angry dad descended on the court admits a cavalcade of profanity aimed at super coach. He apparently wasn’t happy about his girls playing time or role in the offense.(let me remind you it's 5th grade girls) Next thing I know little girls are crying the coach and dad are squaring up and I’m yelling it’s 5th grade basketball you jackasses.
How pathetic was that sight? Two grown men fighting over 5th grade girl’s basketball. I seriously hope the guys went home and punched themselves in the junk for being such dumbjohns. But the really sad part is this is becoming common practice in gyms all over this country. It’s a sad commentary on our sports landscape when the only problem with youth sports in the adults. From sleazy AAU coaches, to D-bag parents let’s all wake up and get a clue. It’s kids playing sports crying out loud, easy up and get a life. No wonder our athletes are coming out all screwed up. Look at their role models.
